This past weekend was thankfully the last of the weddings of FL's (first love) family. This one was his sister's wedding. It was very beautiful, and I had a great time...at least the parts I remember.
After the ceremony, someone went past our table and whispered that the bar was open. Whooo! So, another girl and I left our significant others and practically ran up to the bar. I began with Pinot Grigio.
R came up and we said hi to a few people and then went over to say hi to FL. FL said that he needed to get in line for a drink, and R told him that I was first in line. To which FL replied, "That's the girl I know!"
I talked to some other friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and continued drinking my pinot...fast. At one point I actutally got R to dance with me, and I could see out of the corner of my eye FL watching. It actually felt good knowing he was watching R and I having a good time together. I'm tired of him thinking that he still has a strong hold over me.
When the reception was over, the wedding party had a spot at a bar in the city for us to all go party some more. This is where the fuzziness started. I remember buying shots, taking shots...and the pinot made me a complete mess. Yesterday R told me that I was obliterated and that I began sobbing uncontrollably. Then, when he told me it was time to go home, I put up a fight (that's not unusual...unfortunately....lol). I vaguely remember crying and even thinking to myself, "I can't stop!" It was just pouring out of me. I am so embarassed, especially because R told me that FL's parents were pretty much looking at me like I was an alien or something. I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone. R said that at first I loved everyone...then I hated everyone...I didn't want to say bye to anyone, but he finally convinced me to.
I also vaguely remember FL looking at me in a concerned way when we were saying our goodbyes to everyone. What a freaking trainwreck. Thank goodness that was the last of the weddings, and I don't have to see FL or his family in awhile...if ever.
Yesterday my head hurt so bad, and some of the details from the night washed over me, but mostly I was blacked out. So, once again I chugged pinot grigio when I definitely should know better. Out of all wines, that is the one that really gets me gone. Ugh.
And this week I get to deal with PMS and more roller coaster emotions. Yay! Looks like I'll be sitting on my couch a lot watching romantic comedies.
Showing posts with label first love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first love. Show all posts
Monday, June 07, 2010
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
First Blog of the Year Update
Well hello there!!! I am finally taking a short period of time out to write something in this old darn blog! Which made me automatically think of something...the other day I was out with some friends and one of the girls was talking about her old job. I guess she had a blog on LiveJournal (whooaaaa...what? Someone else I know and am friends with in real life blogs???!!! (I kept my mouth shut...no one knows about this baby you're reading...BUT then again, no one would be surprised that I have a secret blog because I write!)) That's actually the whole point of the story. I was just shocked to hear her say she had a LiveJournal...she never went into any details about it except that she was a dummy and put some stuff in it about work and got in trouble. She must have missed Blogging 101.
Anyways...let's delve into what else has been going on. FL (first love) is now officially married. Blah. Over it. Moving along...I have his brother's wedding at the end of the month...must find a hot dress to wear.
R did wonderfully with my Christmas presents this year. I got a book that I wanted, 2 pairs of boots that I wanted, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4 on DVD, Michael Kors 'Very Hollywood' perfume, AND a 160 GB iPod! Finally! Someplace to put ALL of my music! I'm so tired of looking at the stacks of cds (with out cases, mind you) that I have ALL over the place and don't even know what's on most of them.
Here's a funny little story. A couple weeks ago, it was a Monday...I was just about to get off work when my phone rang. It was one of my best guy buds P. I figured I'd call him back, I had to finish up a few things, but noted that it was odd for him to call at that time of day. So, when I called him he's like, "I NEEEEEEED your help." We both laughed and I'm like, "Okay...well hopefully I can help ya, what is it?"
"I'm down the street from my house, and I'm tripping. I thought I'd be cool, but I can't drive and we're stuck." I could hear a girl in the background laughing and another one of my guy friends that was in from outta town.
He asked if I could come and pick them up at his house, he didn't want to stay at home because he still lives with parentals. So, off I went straight from the office to go pick them up. They all thanked me profusely, it was hilarious! Good thing I didn't have anything important to do, because when we got back to my apartment, we all just hung out, and I had a few beers while they tripped. I'd met the girl before, but couldn't remember her name. Apparently, (we later found out) she was so wigged out she thought we were all talking and making fun of her! It hadn't even been an hour and she was on the phone giving her friend directions to come and pick her up. P was just like, "whatever," and we continued our hanging out by listening to music and eventually I decided it would be super fun to make sock puppets!
Anyways...let's delve into what else has been going on. FL (first love) is now officially married. Blah. Over it. Moving along...I have his brother's wedding at the end of the month...must find a hot dress to wear.
R did wonderfully with my Christmas presents this year. I got a book that I wanted, 2 pairs of boots that I wanted, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4 on DVD, Michael Kors 'Very Hollywood' perfume, AND a 160 GB iPod! Finally! Someplace to put ALL of my music! I'm so tired of looking at the stacks of cds (with out cases, mind you) that I have ALL over the place and don't even know what's on most of them.
Here's a funny little story. A couple weeks ago, it was a Monday...I was just about to get off work when my phone rang. It was one of my best guy buds P. I figured I'd call him back, I had to finish up a few things, but noted that it was odd for him to call at that time of day. So, when I called him he's like, "I NEEEEEEED your help." We both laughed and I'm like, "Okay...well hopefully I can help ya, what is it?"
"I'm down the street from my house, and I'm tripping. I thought I'd be cool, but I can't drive and we're stuck." I could hear a girl in the background laughing and another one of my guy friends that was in from outta town.
He asked if I could come and pick them up at his house, he didn't want to stay at home because he still lives with parentals. So, off I went straight from the office to go pick them up. They all thanked me profusely, it was hilarious! Good thing I didn't have anything important to do, because when we got back to my apartment, we all just hung out, and I had a few beers while they tripped. I'd met the girl before, but couldn't remember her name. Apparently, (we later found out) she was so wigged out she thought we were all talking and making fun of her! It hadn't even been an hour and she was on the phone giving her friend directions to come and pick her up. P was just like, "whatever," and we continued our hanging out by listening to music and eventually I decided it would be super fun to make sock puppets!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Get Out of my Head
Normally, I'm the kind of girl that isn't sappy and doesn't really like to talk about lovey-dovey stuff. FL is the only guy that didn't apply to.
Saturday was St. Patty's Day celebration. My friends and I had been looking forward to it. It started off with 4 of us, and grew as the day went on. One of the first few to join us included FL. It was nice. But, later, we were all at a bar and of course, being drunk, FL and I bring up the past again. He'd asked me when R and I were going to get married. I freaked, because his brother L had asked me the same thing earlier that day! WTF. I know their family is all about the American Dream and getting married, etc., but I explained to FL that I wasn't like that and R knows that. And I went on to explain to FL that I've never thought about marriage...that I always thought in the back of my head that if I were to ever get married, it would be to him. Wow. It sounded like such a great thing to say at the time, but now, looking back...I'm freaking crazy! He understood, but gosh...I'm embarrassed.
I need to get it through my head that my life is NOT LIKE IN THE MOVIES. Well, okay, sometimes it really is...but in this case...it's not going to be like the cliche movies where the true love comes at the last minute to whisk you off your feet. So, I've got to quit acting like that's how it is.
Later, after hours more of drinking (St. Patty's is at least a 12 hour drink fest), we talked some more. I'm not sure exactly what we said, I know it was said that we miss each other. We hugged and it was bittersweet. Nice to be hugging him again, but heartbreaking at the same time. I wish that I could still have him in my life as a friend, but I know that it's too hard because every time I see him, I get upset. I thought it would get easier, but I guess it's not ever going to.
He told me he and his fiance will be moving to Portland, probably within the year. I've ironically been wanting to go there for quite some time, and actually did look into moving there for a very short time. In a way, I can't wait until he moves. When he's home my life is a mess. E was trying to comfort me Saturday and was really mad that he knowingly messes with my head. I know he doesn't intentionally hurt me, but...I don't know...it's like he eggs me on or something. Gahhh!!!
Saturday was St. Patty's Day celebration. My friends and I had been looking forward to it. It started off with 4 of us, and grew as the day went on. One of the first few to join us included FL. It was nice. But, later, we were all at a bar and of course, being drunk, FL and I bring up the past again. He'd asked me when R and I were going to get married. I freaked, because his brother L had asked me the same thing earlier that day! WTF. I know their family is all about the American Dream and getting married, etc., but I explained to FL that I wasn't like that and R knows that. And I went on to explain to FL that I've never thought about marriage...that I always thought in the back of my head that if I were to ever get married, it would be to him. Wow. It sounded like such a great thing to say at the time, but now, looking back...I'm freaking crazy! He understood, but gosh...I'm embarrassed.
I need to get it through my head that my life is NOT LIKE IN THE MOVIES. Well, okay, sometimes it really is...but in this case...it's not going to be like the cliche movies where the true love comes at the last minute to whisk you off your feet. So, I've got to quit acting like that's how it is.
Later, after hours more of drinking (St. Patty's is at least a 12 hour drink fest), we talked some more. I'm not sure exactly what we said, I know it was said that we miss each other. We hugged and it was bittersweet. Nice to be hugging him again, but heartbreaking at the same time. I wish that I could still have him in my life as a friend, but I know that it's too hard because every time I see him, I get upset. I thought it would get easier, but I guess it's not ever going to.
He told me he and his fiance will be moving to Portland, probably within the year. I've ironically been wanting to go there for quite some time, and actually did look into moving there for a very short time. In a way, I can't wait until he moves. When he's home my life is a mess. E was trying to comfort me Saturday and was really mad that he knowingly messes with my head. I know he doesn't intentionally hurt me, but...I don't know...it's like he eggs me on or something. Gahhh!!!
Monday, February 16, 2009
My birfday!
...It was last Tuesday. BUT, I started this post on the day of...
and didn't get around to finishing until...well, now. So here 'tis:
Yes siree!
Though surprisingly, I'm not as into it this year as I've always been. Not sure why...it's not the big 3-0 or anything...it's the 2 to tha 6! haha
Anyways, my hormones were all outta whack last week -- and that's always when craziness happens, right? Well, R's BFF L had a happy hour thing goin' on Friday...and some of us were going. Well, like I'd sort of expected, FL was there...with his fiance. Awesome! But, I kinda figured it'd be that way, so it wasn't total shock and I was hoping she wouldn't totally ignore me this time. L introduced us, but FL quickly interrupted to say that we'd met before. We exchanged 'hellos' again, and I followed to FL's statement, "Yeah, but it was for like...5 minutes last time." We all exchanged little shrugs as if to say, "Ah yeah."
So there was about 7 of us total at the very beginning. Beer towers were involved. Then, two of L's work friends showed up. They were a little boring, so I was texting one of my best girls to hurry up and get her ass there to meet me.
Somehow, in a short span of time...I was hammered. Of course, though...really? Like that wouldn't happen. Beer towers upon more beer, and vodka cocktails, and shots. Jager bombs, duh! Which...who bought a whole round? I did! I was losing inhibitions, uh oh. Finally, my friend got there, and the other was on the way, texting me to drink water.
Did I? Nope. (She asked me too, about 2 hours later if I did indeed drink water. And I told her nope, too.)
So, we're all hanging out...L and his girlfriend actually left. I don't know that I even really realized it. I end up talking to FL and his fiance. Really, who even knows what I was yammering about. All I remember is her all of a sudden taking a picture of FL and I. I probably also invited them to my birthday celebration.
More time goes on, I'm waltzing around the place hammered talking to everyone in our fairly large group. Next thing I know...I'm crying! Hysterically! WTF?!?!?! Of course, I was drunkenly upset and having a hard time about FL and his fiance...but I had to hide that from R. So, when he asked what was wrong, I was telling him the drunken-ness and hormones weren't mixing well. After a few more minutes, I'm laughing at the same time as my crying! Ridick, I tell you.
Finally, we left the place, so me, R, and my dear friend M went to another bar before going home. Course, I didn't need any more, but another dear friend was in town and I had to see her (even if it was for only 25 minutes that I hardly remember)! Ha! Great times. Wow.
and didn't get around to finishing until...well, now. So here 'tis:
Yes siree!
Though surprisingly, I'm not as into it this year as I've always been. Not sure why...it's not the big 3-0 or anything...it's the 2 to tha 6! haha
Anyways, my hormones were all outta whack last week -- and that's always when craziness happens, right? Well, R's BFF L had a happy hour thing goin' on Friday...and some of us were going. Well, like I'd sort of expected, FL was there...with his fiance. Awesome! But, I kinda figured it'd be that way, so it wasn't total shock and I was hoping she wouldn't totally ignore me this time. L introduced us, but FL quickly interrupted to say that we'd met before. We exchanged 'hellos' again, and I followed to FL's statement, "Yeah, but it was for like...5 minutes last time." We all exchanged little shrugs as if to say, "Ah yeah."
So there was about 7 of us total at the very beginning. Beer towers were involved. Then, two of L's work friends showed up. They were a little boring, so I was texting one of my best girls to hurry up and get her ass there to meet me.
Somehow, in a short span of time...I was hammered. Of course, though...really? Like that wouldn't happen. Beer towers upon more beer, and vodka cocktails, and shots. Jager bombs, duh! Which...who bought a whole round? I did! I was losing inhibitions, uh oh. Finally, my friend got there, and the other was on the way, texting me to drink water.
Did I? Nope. (She asked me too, about 2 hours later if I did indeed drink water. And I told her nope, too.)
So, we're all hanging out...L and his girlfriend actually left. I don't know that I even really realized it. I end up talking to FL and his fiance. Really, who even knows what I was yammering about. All I remember is her all of a sudden taking a picture of FL and I. I probably also invited them to my birthday celebration.
More time goes on, I'm waltzing around the place hammered talking to everyone in our fairly large group. Next thing I know...I'm crying! Hysterically! WTF?!?!?! Of course, I was drunkenly upset and having a hard time about FL and his fiance...but I had to hide that from R. So, when he asked what was wrong, I was telling him the drunken-ness and hormones weren't mixing well. After a few more minutes, I'm laughing at the same time as my crying! Ridick, I tell you.
Finally, we left the place, so me, R, and my dear friend M went to another bar before going home. Course, I didn't need any more, but another dear friend was in town and I had to see her (even if it was for only 25 minutes that I hardly remember)! Ha! Great times. Wow.
Monday, January 26, 2009
It's Really the End...
Well...it's confirmed. FL is to wed his girlfriend later on this year.
*This is where one of those sappy 'we're over/goodbye' songs starts playing.*
Saturday a friend of mine was in town from Cali for her baby shower. So, I was hanging out with all the girls throughout the day. After, a couple of us were heading over E's house to have some wine and hang out.
Well, I had to go pick up one of our friends so on my way, I called R to check in. He'd said he was probably going to be hanging out with L that day (L is FL's bro, and R's BFF---I've gone over it many a times, but just for your quick reference there it is again..hehe).
So, I call him, he's over L's drinking beers, etc. I asked who all was there. "Ohhh, me, L, roomy, and FL."
"Ah, that's cool," I say.
"Yeh...HEY...FL, am I allowed to tell her?" R yells.
*In my head* What? Tell me what? Of course, I am allowed to know WHATEVER it is he's asking if it's okay for me to know....oh my gosh.
"Okay...so FL got the ring today for his girlfriend." R says.
"Oh...really? ..... Well...that's cool. Did you see it? Is it nice?"
"No, I didn't see it, but she comes home Thursday...I told FL she's gonna have cold feet and not get on the plane."
(Quick pause to gather my wit...)
"Yeah, right...that bitch wants to get outta that country." (She and FL met while he was doing his whole Peace Corp. thing over in Guatemala.)
HA! Sometimes I am just so funny.
I'll continue this later.
*This is where one of those sappy 'we're over/goodbye' songs starts playing.*
Saturday a friend of mine was in town from Cali for her baby shower. So, I was hanging out with all the girls throughout the day. After, a couple of us were heading over E's house to have some wine and hang out.
Well, I had to go pick up one of our friends so on my way, I called R to check in. He'd said he was probably going to be hanging out with L that day (L is FL's bro, and R's BFF---I've gone over it many a times, but just for your quick reference there it is again..hehe).
So, I call him, he's over L's drinking beers, etc. I asked who all was there. "Ohhh, me, L, roomy, and FL."
"Ah, that's cool," I say.
"Yeh...HEY...FL, am I allowed to tell her?" R yells.
*In my head* What? Tell me what? Of course, I am allowed to know WHATEVER it is he's asking if it's okay for me to know....oh my gosh.
"Okay...so FL got the ring today for his girlfriend." R says.
"Oh...really? ..... Well...that's cool. Did you see it? Is it nice?"
"No, I didn't see it, but she comes home Thursday...I told FL she's gonna have cold feet and not get on the plane."
(Quick pause to gather my wit...)
"Yeah, right...that bitch wants to get outta that country." (She and FL met while he was doing his whole Peace Corp. thing over in Guatemala.)
HA! Sometimes I am just so funny.
I'll continue this later.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Cheers!
Hopefully everyone's holidays went swimmingly. Well, I guess the holidays aren't over JUST yet...but ya know.
Mine were pretty good...nothing too out of the ordinary. Anyone doing anything fun tonight?
R's BFF L (and FL's bro) is having a party tonight at his new place. I haven't been there yet, but I'm excited. It is at one of the best places to get the best view of the city. It should be a good time, most of our friends are all going. I'm just a little worried that FL will be there. I'm not sure if he will be.
This past weekend a group of us went out, and I asked L how FL was doing, and if his girlfriend was here in the States yet. He said he's good and no, she's not here yet. But, then he went on to say something about FL and his g/f getting married in 6 months. WTF?!!?
WTF!?!?
I knew this was going to happen. It's like Pretty Woman in some weird way. Except in this version Julia Roberts lives in a foreign country and needs a green card, so Richard Gere comes to her rescue and is happy to help since he is also in love with her. I don't think I could even make up something like this!
ARGGGHHH!!!
But, I need to get over it. I have known that for quite some time. But then, what would I have to do when I'm bored?
Thought I'd add what song I'm listening to right now: OAR - "Love and Memories"
Irony.
Happy New Years, everyone, and be safe! Cheers!
Mine were pretty good...nothing too out of the ordinary. Anyone doing anything fun tonight?
R's BFF L (and FL's bro) is having a party tonight at his new place. I haven't been there yet, but I'm excited. It is at one of the best places to get the best view of the city. It should be a good time, most of our friends are all going. I'm just a little worried that FL will be there. I'm not sure if he will be.
This past weekend a group of us went out, and I asked L how FL was doing, and if his girlfriend was here in the States yet. He said he's good and no, she's not here yet. But, then he went on to say something about FL and his g/f getting married in 6 months. WTF?!!?
WTF!?!?
I knew this was going to happen. It's like Pretty Woman in some weird way. Except in this version Julia Roberts lives in a foreign country and needs a green card, so Richard Gere comes to her rescue and is happy to help since he is also in love with her. I don't think I could even make up something like this!
ARGGGHHH!!!
But, I need to get over it. I have known that for quite some time. But then, what would I have to do when I'm bored?
Thought I'd add what song I'm listening to right now: OAR - "Love and Memories"
Irony.
Happy New Years, everyone, and be safe! Cheers!
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Well....Helllooooooo
*That "Hellloooooooo" was in the Seinfeld voice, too...btw* ..."La Laa Laaaaa"
So, anyways...been a little while. Let's see...what. is. new.
I've FINALLY moved into my apartment! I love it. It's the perfect size for me, and it's cozy!
I just put the Christmas tree up two nights ago in my living room, which adds to the coziness. I'll have to take a picture of it.
FL has returned, too. He's been back for about 3 weeks. But, I have yet to see or hear from him. And I don't think his girlfriend is even here yet! I was snooping and saw some pictures of his sister's on Facebook, and none of the Thanksgiving pics had her in them. So...not only did he never reply to my bare-all email months back, but he hasn't called me since he's been back to even have lunch! I'd understand better if his girlfriend was here...but she's not. Soooo...guess I ought to take the hint, eh? I mean, I know I am not imagining our intensity, but I guess it's just not as imminent as it once was. Yesterday was his birthday. I thought maybe he would be at one of the local hangouts, but I had no one to go out with "just to check". Soooo, oh well. I'm sure I'll see him soon enough.
In AWESOME news, my BFF LV is coming in ONE week to see me!!! I haven't seen her since her wedding over a year ago in Vegas (where I was her Maid of Honor) and she hasn't been here to see me in forever! So, I am most excited...I can't put into words how excited I am! I am picking her up at the airport Wednesday after work. Then, I'm taking her to the best sushi place in the city. Then, we have until Friday morning to do whatever we want. I took off work, of course. She won't be here very long, but I will take whatever I can get!
I have a ton of other good friends coming into town that I am really happy about, too. One of them comes in this Friday from Virginia. She'll be here until Wednesday (the day LV comes). Her family lives about 25 miles north of me, so we're going to get together sometime while she's here. Then, the 20th of December, my friend comes in from San Fran for a week. The 23rd, one of my good guy friends is MOVING home indefinitely from Miami. Ah, and another friend of mine is coming in from Chicago...but I need to check my calendar and see when that is because I forget. So...yayyyy!!!!
Everyone done with their Christmas shopping? I'm about halfway done. I ran outta money so I have to wait until pay day again. hahaha
What's on everyone's wish list? I've got a variety --- but I'm a very easy person to buy for. But a few things I'd like are:
a remote car starter (I told my dad that'd be a good one for him to get for me...lol)
Sirius boombox (so I can listen in my apartment)
Gossip Girl Season 1 DVD (hehehe)
Various books and cd's
Then, there's the things I want that I probably won't get just because they are things you would probably want to buy yourself...like more clothes. And, I need some more wall art for my bare walls. Maybe R will get me something from those categories.
Hope everyone is well. That's my update for now! :)
So, anyways...been a little while. Let's see...what. is. new.
I've FINALLY moved into my apartment! I love it. It's the perfect size for me, and it's cozy!
I just put the Christmas tree up two nights ago in my living room, which adds to the coziness. I'll have to take a picture of it.
FL has returned, too. He's been back for about 3 weeks. But, I have yet to see or hear from him. And I don't think his girlfriend is even here yet! I was snooping and saw some pictures of his sister's on Facebook, and none of the Thanksgiving pics had her in them. So...not only did he never reply to my bare-all email months back, but he hasn't called me since he's been back to even have lunch! I'd understand better if his girlfriend was here...but she's not. Soooo...guess I ought to take the hint, eh? I mean, I know I am not imagining our intensity, but I guess it's just not as imminent as it once was. Yesterday was his birthday. I thought maybe he would be at one of the local hangouts, but I had no one to go out with "just to check". Soooo, oh well. I'm sure I'll see him soon enough.
In AWESOME news, my BFF LV is coming in ONE week to see me!!! I haven't seen her since her wedding over a year ago in Vegas (where I was her Maid of Honor) and she hasn't been here to see me in forever! So, I am most excited...I can't put into words how excited I am! I am picking her up at the airport Wednesday after work. Then, I'm taking her to the best sushi place in the city. Then, we have until Friday morning to do whatever we want. I took off work, of course. She won't be here very long, but I will take whatever I can get!
I have a ton of other good friends coming into town that I am really happy about, too. One of them comes in this Friday from Virginia. She'll be here until Wednesday (the day LV comes). Her family lives about 25 miles north of me, so we're going to get together sometime while she's here. Then, the 20th of December, my friend comes in from San Fran for a week. The 23rd, one of my good guy friends is MOVING home indefinitely from Miami. Ah, and another friend of mine is coming in from Chicago...but I need to check my calendar and see when that is because I forget. So...yayyyy!!!!
Everyone done with their Christmas shopping? I'm about halfway done. I ran outta money so I have to wait until pay day again. hahaha
What's on everyone's wish list? I've got a variety --- but I'm a very easy person to buy for. But a few things I'd like are:
a remote car starter (I told my dad that'd be a good one for him to get for me...lol)
Sirius boombox (so I can listen in my apartment)
Gossip Girl Season 1 DVD (hehehe)
Various books and cd's
Then, there's the things I want that I probably won't get just because they are things you would probably want to buy yourself...like more clothes. And, I need some more wall art for my bare walls. Maybe R will get me something from those categories.
Hope everyone is well. That's my update for now! :)
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Can I Just Nap for a Week?
Ineedavacation.
Well, last Friday R & L were going to the bowling alley around my lunchtime. R asked me to meet them there and eat lunch. FL and his g/f were also going to be there. Whatever, okay.
So, I made sure that I didn't look as terrible as I usually do when I go to work.(Hey, I just sit in an office all day by myself pretty much!)
Then, I went right down the street on my lunch and met up with R & L. A few minutes passed, and I thought maybe FL wasn't coming anymore. But, then they walked in. FL came over, gave me a hug and introduced me to his g/f. And that was it! The whole rest of the 40 minutes, she would not say a word to me or even look at me!!!
I don't think I like her much, and not even for the obvious reasons! I've ended up liking people despite not wanting to, but this girl...wow! (Thankfully, she wasn't as pretty as I thought she'd be. hehe)
The whole thing was so awkward that I was GLAD I had to go back to work. Everytime FL's g/f wasn't super near, FL would come closer and stand by me. Well, then, I'd see R keep looking back to see what was going on! I couldn't handle it! I asked FL if they were coming out with us that night (because L told us they were) and he said, "I'm not too sure, we were maybe gonna go to the Science Center." I turned my head to look straight away and said, "Oh," thinking "Wow, he's taking her to our place!"
But then I added, "Why don't you do that tomorrow and come out tonight?" and L overheard and said, "Yeah, FL, you better come out tonight." So, I had to leave to go back to work and FL says, "I'll most likely see you later."
So, what do I do?!?! NOT find anything in my closet to wear, that's what. So, I go to the mall on my way over R's, get a new top and cardigan (really cute, too!) and head over to R's. In the parking lot, I notice that FL's family ride is not there. He must have just dropped L off and didn't stay. But, I didn't lose hope.
Until I opened the door and saw that only L was sitting on the couch. After a little while, in a non-obvious way, I asked L where FL and his g/f were. "I don't know, I am so pissed off at FL, I don't know why they didn't come out, but whatever."
Aaaaaaaaaaannnnd now, he's gone again. Which is probably a good thing...until next time around. I just think there's got to be a higher power, or forces 'that be' -- something -- that causes things like emotions and feelings to still be so strong and still so hard to explain like this after so many years. But, enough of that for now.
Oh, and it came up one night while out in my and R's conversation about the whole marriage thing. He knew L's drunken comment would wig me out and said that he's definitely not ready either. He says maybe in like 2 years or something if things are still good, then that would be the time to think about it. But, not now! So....phew!!!
Well, last Friday R & L were going to the bowling alley around my lunchtime. R asked me to meet them there and eat lunch. FL and his g/f were also going to be there. Whatever, okay.
So, I made sure that I didn't look as terrible as I usually do when I go to work.(Hey, I just sit in an office all day by myself pretty much!)
Then, I went right down the street on my lunch and met up with R & L. A few minutes passed, and I thought maybe FL wasn't coming anymore. But, then they walked in. FL came over, gave me a hug and introduced me to his g/f. And that was it! The whole rest of the 40 minutes, she would not say a word to me or even look at me!!!
I don't think I like her much, and not even for the obvious reasons! I've ended up liking people despite not wanting to, but this girl...wow! (Thankfully, she wasn't as pretty as I thought she'd be. hehe)
The whole thing was so awkward that I was GLAD I had to go back to work. Everytime FL's g/f wasn't super near, FL would come closer and stand by me. Well, then, I'd see R keep looking back to see what was going on! I couldn't handle it! I asked FL if they were coming out with us that night (because L told us they were) and he said, "I'm not too sure, we were maybe gonna go to the Science Center." I turned my head to look straight away and said, "Oh," thinking "Wow, he's taking her to our place!"
But then I added, "Why don't you do that tomorrow and come out tonight?" and L overheard and said, "Yeah, FL, you better come out tonight." So, I had to leave to go back to work and FL says, "I'll most likely see you later."
So, what do I do?!?! NOT find anything in my closet to wear, that's what. So, I go to the mall on my way over R's, get a new top and cardigan (really cute, too!) and head over to R's. In the parking lot, I notice that FL's family ride is not there. He must have just dropped L off and didn't stay. But, I didn't lose hope.
Until I opened the door and saw that only L was sitting on the couch. After a little while, in a non-obvious way, I asked L where FL and his g/f were. "I don't know, I am so pissed off at FL, I don't know why they didn't come out, but whatever."
Aaaaaaaaaaannnnd now, he's gone again. Which is probably a good thing...until next time around. I just think there's got to be a higher power, or forces 'that be' -- something -- that causes things like emotions and feelings to still be so strong and still so hard to explain like this after so many years. But, enough of that for now.
Oh, and it came up one night while out in my and R's conversation about the whole marriage thing. He knew L's drunken comment would wig me out and said that he's definitely not ready either. He says maybe in like 2 years or something if things are still good, then that would be the time to think about it. But, not now! So....phew!!!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Alternate Reality
Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that it started off wonderfully. My last few days have been pretty eventful in many ways.
*****I just realized that my BFF, L, and R's BFF (& FL's bro) is L too. So my BFF is going to be changed to LV...k?*****
So the BFF, LV, out in Vegas, always tells me that the only guy she's ever heard me talk about like it's "the real thing" is FL. I told her he was home and she's been insisting that I suck it up, "quit being stubborn" and just call him.
While her words kept resonating in my head, I figured that she was probably right. Really, what was the worst that could happen, and I'd probably feel regret if I didn't. (Even though I felt like if he wanted to get a hold of me, there are quite a few and easy ways to do it...) So, as I sat here at my desk on Friday thinking and thinking some more, I decided that right then was the best time to do it.
So I did. He answered (and pretty quickly if I might add...maybe right after the first ring?).
"Hey, so you're back from SC?" he asked. (Must've heard it from his brother, L.)
"Yeah," I say.
We chat for a few about our holidays, etc. and then he asks me what I'm doing that night.
I tell him that his brother was going to pre-game over R's and that I'm supposed to go over too, but around 7.
Then, L was going to grab dinner with some chick but if FL wanted to come hang out with us that'd be cool, and besides -- his bro L was gonna be meeting back up with us later.
(Kind of weird that I invited him to hang out with me and the BF, but...we're all adults, and they're friends too because of L! I don't have anything to hide!)
Well, FL says that sounds like a good plan and I tell him he should just ride over to R's with L and then I'll see him later.
But, he says "Well, are you going to be around in like an hour? I'm going to call you back."
Okay.
After I hung up the phone, I started to panic. What was the reason for him calling me in an hour, he should just say, "Okay, I'll see you there later." ??? Was he going to try to hang out just him & I first before going over R's and riding there with me? That might not work good. Am I going to be in trouble for inviting him out with us? -- all these crazy thoughts keep running through my head.
But then, a good friend of mine called (good timing!) and I explained it all to her. She wanted to meet up right after work and hang for a little while anyways, so she met me at my house. I decided I needed to go have a drink early to calm my nerves, etc.
FL didn't call me back. "Why hasn't he called back? Do you think he's been forbidden to talk to me? Or what if he just goes, and he'll be there when I get there???"
R calls, "Where are you?"
"I just stopped to grab a quick bite, I'll be there soon," I say.
"I don't think he's there," I tell my friend.
Then, we take 2 jager bombs and leave.
Later on, L tells me that FL told him to tell me sorry and he went out with another group of friends.
"Oh well, at least now I know what happened," I thought. But, I still wonder why he didn't call me back to tell me. But whatever.
THEN, I thought maybe he'd call me Saturday. Nope. I STILL have not heard from him, and probably won't. Because TODAY his girlfriend comes into town and then they both leave on Sunday. So, I guess that is that. Except that R is taking off work on Friday and wants him, L, and FL to go bowling and probably start drinking beer early. So, in that case, FL may end up coming out with us Friday night or something. His gf would be too, but would she go bowling? Whatever. So...we'll just wait and see. I did what LV told me, so now I know. At least I called!
BUT, I have another problem. New Years Even a whole bunch of us were over E's. She decided to have a party. We were downstairs in the basement, some people were playing beer pong, we were all pretty hammered. I said something sarcastic to L and he goes, "When's R gonna propose to you?"
I stop dead in my tracks, mouth gaping wide open. "Why would you say something like that, L?"
(I thought everyone knew that I am not in any hurry what-so-ever to get married. I know people say that if it's the RIGHT person, you're ready. But, I don't know or believe any of that. I am just simply not ready. And won't be for awhile, I know it. It's really not a big deal to me, in fact, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I don't know that I can be okay with that level of commitment to be honest. It would suffocate me.)
Well, after L says this, R overhears a little and says, "What did you just say?" --- things like that. He made a look to L like, "Shut the fuck up!"
Now, I don't know. It could have been misconstrued BUT my birthday and Valentine's Day are comin' up quick. And I am scared. How do I throw into conversation a reminder incase he's missed it that I am not ready for marriage? I don't want to hurt any feelings or seem mean. And it doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to SOMEDAY, but I'm in no position or frame of mind to think about it now. WHAT do I do?!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????
*****I just realized that my BFF, L, and R's BFF (& FL's bro) is L too. So my BFF is going to be changed to LV...k?*****
So the BFF, LV, out in Vegas, always tells me that the only guy she's ever heard me talk about like it's "the real thing" is FL. I told her he was home and she's been insisting that I suck it up, "quit being stubborn" and just call him.
While her words kept resonating in my head, I figured that she was probably right. Really, what was the worst that could happen, and I'd probably feel regret if I didn't. (Even though I felt like if he wanted to get a hold of me, there are quite a few and easy ways to do it...) So, as I sat here at my desk on Friday thinking and thinking some more, I decided that right then was the best time to do it.
So I did. He answered (and pretty quickly if I might add...maybe right after the first ring?).
"Hey, so you're back from SC?" he asked. (Must've heard it from his brother, L.)
"Yeah," I say.
We chat for a few about our holidays, etc. and then he asks me what I'm doing that night.
I tell him that his brother was going to pre-game over R's and that I'm supposed to go over too, but around 7.
Then, L was going to grab dinner with some chick but if FL wanted to come hang out with us that'd be cool, and besides -- his bro L was gonna be meeting back up with us later.
(Kind of weird that I invited him to hang out with me and the BF, but...we're all adults, and they're friends too because of L! I don't have anything to hide!)
Well, FL says that sounds like a good plan and I tell him he should just ride over to R's with L and then I'll see him later.
But, he says "Well, are you going to be around in like an hour? I'm going to call you back."
Okay.
After I hung up the phone, I started to panic. What was the reason for him calling me in an hour, he should just say, "Okay, I'll see you there later." ??? Was he going to try to hang out just him & I first before going over R's and riding there with me? That might not work good. Am I going to be in trouble for inviting him out with us? -- all these crazy thoughts keep running through my head.
But then, a good friend of mine called (good timing!) and I explained it all to her. She wanted to meet up right after work and hang for a little while anyways, so she met me at my house. I decided I needed to go have a drink early to calm my nerves, etc.
FL didn't call me back. "Why hasn't he called back? Do you think he's been forbidden to talk to me? Or what if he just goes, and he'll be there when I get there???"
R calls, "Where are you?"
"I just stopped to grab a quick bite, I'll be there soon," I say.
"I don't think he's there," I tell my friend.
Then, we take 2 jager bombs and leave.
Later on, L tells me that FL told him to tell me sorry and he went out with another group of friends.
"Oh well, at least now I know what happened," I thought. But, I still wonder why he didn't call me back to tell me. But whatever.
THEN, I thought maybe he'd call me Saturday. Nope. I STILL have not heard from him, and probably won't. Because TODAY his girlfriend comes into town and then they both leave on Sunday. So, I guess that is that. Except that R is taking off work on Friday and wants him, L, and FL to go bowling and probably start drinking beer early. So, in that case, FL may end up coming out with us Friday night or something. His gf would be too, but would she go bowling? Whatever. So...we'll just wait and see. I did what LV told me, so now I know. At least I called!
BUT, I have another problem. New Years Even a whole bunch of us were over E's. She decided to have a party. We were downstairs in the basement, some people were playing beer pong, we were all pretty hammered. I said something sarcastic to L and he goes, "When's R gonna propose to you?"
I stop dead in my tracks, mouth gaping wide open. "Why would you say something like that, L?"
(I thought everyone knew that I am not in any hurry what-so-ever to get married. I know people say that if it's the RIGHT person, you're ready. But, I don't know or believe any of that. I am just simply not ready. And won't be for awhile, I know it. It's really not a big deal to me, in fact, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I don't know that I can be okay with that level of commitment to be honest. It would suffocate me.)
Well, after L says this, R overhears a little and says, "What did you just say?" --- things like that. He made a look to L like, "Shut the fuck up!"
Now, I don't know. It could have been misconstrued BUT my birthday and Valentine's Day are comin' up quick. And I am scared. How do I throw into conversation a reminder incase he's missed it that I am not ready for marriage? I don't want to hurt any feelings or seem mean. And it doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to SOMEDAY, but I'm in no position or frame of mind to think about it now. WHAT do I do?!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Being Drunk Makes You Believe You're On TV
So...perhaps you remember FL. If not, read up on last time he was home in April. Anyways, he is home again. And yesterday, his brother got in town. His brother (L), is the boyfriend's BFF. Crazy, right?
So, last night my dear friend B wanted me to come out to meet her, have drinks and watch the football game. While deciding on whether or not to go, I talk to the boyfriend (R), and tell him I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet. He says, "Well, I think I'm probably just gonna stay in and get ready for the weekend." Cool.
Then, he says, "Well, I might call L and FL and see if they wanna come over and hang out, too."
"Oh?" I say, trying not to sound too interested.
"Yeah, but their sister's leaving tomorrow night so they were all gonna be hanging out. AND, they might take her out for a drink later too, so...I may end up getting dragged out for that."
How, in 3 minutes his plans changed 3 times, I'm not sure. But, whatever.
So, I decide my motto for the night is "It's the holidays, and I'm only young once!" and I go out. After some drinks, one of my girlfriends finds out L is home and wants to call him to tell him to come meet up with us. I told her to tell him to bring FL, too.
Well, she tells me after a bit that L and his sister are coming, that the boyfriend was coming, but no FL. Oh well. But, after a couple of drinks it's easy to feel nostalgic, or ... some other word I'm unable to think of. So, when "Apologize" by One Republic and Timbaland comes on, I start to feel like I'm in an episode of Gossip Girl or something.
It didn't help that when L and his sister come, they both tell me that I should call the house to talk to FL and hang out because he has no one's numbers and wants to hang out. All he's been doing is playing video games. *sigh*
After awhile, I felt the need to get out of where I was. Another girlfriend of mine wanted me to meet up with her and some friends for a drink, too. So, I went there. Ended up having way too much fun, seeing a bunch of people, and ultimately being way too hungover on Friday for work.
In fact, I didn't even wake up for work until I was already an hour late. When I got home the night before, I decided my couch in my room looked like the best place to sleep. So, the next morning I hear my dad come in and I slur "Oh, did I miss the alarm?"
He says, "Yeah, about an hour ago....and what are you doing on the couch? Did you pee the bed?"
"Nope...I just like it here," I mumbled, still a little drunk.
So...there's that story. And Friday night we had big plans to go out, too, since some friends came into town. Somehow, I pumped myself up for it instead of feeling like dying after Thursday's events. So, a huge group of us go out in the city and end up trashed. We get back to R's apartment, and as we're finally falling asleep, L comes in and asks if it's okay for him to sleep on the floor of the bedroom because friends already had passed out on the couch. "Sure, no problem," we told L.
And from there, I have NO IDEA how it all escalated...
R: L, I bet Heather feels so safe right now, with both of us in here.
L: Yeah, I know, don't you feel safe?
me: Yeah guys, this is awesome.
R: So, if somebody busted in here and was gonna hurt Heather, you'd help knock him out, right L?
L: Hell yeah I would! For FL.
(my eyes widen as large as possible. Wait, what?!)
R: What? What do you mean for FL. What are you talking about, why for him?
L: Just because, R. FL & Heather have a lot of history, and they've been friends for a really long time. That's all, geez R."
R: Dude, WTF?! I think this might end our friendship, I mean..."
L: What the hell are you talking about? Is this why you didn't really want him to come out with us tonight? Quit being such a jealous little prick..."
me: "OKAY, both of you, SHUT the hell up! You're both being ridiculous!"
Then, all was good and quiet again. Nothing has been mentioned of this again, so I am hoping that they were soooo drunk that it's been forgotten.
Right now, this very moment...
I'm in SC visiting Mum. I've been here since Sunday.
On Saturday night we had our Christmas party at my dad's house. Some friends came, including L. He asked R if it would be effed up to ask if FL could come along, too. R asked me and I said, "No, it's cool, what's the big deal?" R agreed!
Granted, FL ended up not coming. I guess I can't blame him.
So, I've been down here in SC. In fact, I leave in about 6 hours to go back home. R is picking me up at the airport. Then, it'll be kind of late and so I'll go home since I have to work tomorrow. (*blech!*)
FL will be here until Jan. 6th.
His g/f will be arriving on Jan. 2nd.
Who even knows WTF is going to happen!
I'm just a little bit distraught. He probably will be coming out this weekend. So, we'll see.
So, last night my dear friend B wanted me to come out to meet her, have drinks and watch the football game. While deciding on whether or not to go, I talk to the boyfriend (R), and tell him I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet. He says, "Well, I think I'm probably just gonna stay in and get ready for the weekend." Cool.
Then, he says, "Well, I might call L and FL and see if they wanna come over and hang out, too."
"Oh?" I say, trying not to sound too interested.
"Yeah, but their sister's leaving tomorrow night so they were all gonna be hanging out. AND, they might take her out for a drink later too, so...I may end up getting dragged out for that."
How, in 3 minutes his plans changed 3 times, I'm not sure. But, whatever.
So, I decide my motto for the night is "It's the holidays, and I'm only young once!" and I go out. After some drinks, one of my girlfriends finds out L is home and wants to call him to tell him to come meet up with us. I told her to tell him to bring FL, too.
Well, she tells me after a bit that L and his sister are coming, that the boyfriend was coming, but no FL. Oh well. But, after a couple of drinks it's easy to feel nostalgic, or ... some other word I'm unable to think of. So, when "Apologize" by One Republic and Timbaland comes on, I start to feel like I'm in an episode of Gossip Girl or something.
It didn't help that when L and his sister come, they both tell me that I should call the house to talk to FL and hang out because he has no one's numbers and wants to hang out. All he's been doing is playing video games. *sigh*
After awhile, I felt the need to get out of where I was. Another girlfriend of mine wanted me to meet up with her and some friends for a drink, too. So, I went there. Ended up having way too much fun, seeing a bunch of people, and ultimately being way too hungover on Friday for work.
In fact, I didn't even wake up for work until I was already an hour late. When I got home the night before, I decided my couch in my room looked like the best place to sleep. So, the next morning I hear my dad come in and I slur "Oh, did I miss the alarm?"
He says, "Yeah, about an hour ago....and what are you doing on the couch? Did you pee the bed?"
"Nope...I just like it here," I mumbled, still a little drunk.
So...there's that story. And Friday night we had big plans to go out, too, since some friends came into town. Somehow, I pumped myself up for it instead of feeling like dying after Thursday's events. So, a huge group of us go out in the city and end up trashed. We get back to R's apartment, and as we're finally falling asleep, L comes in and asks if it's okay for him to sleep on the floor of the bedroom because friends already had passed out on the couch. "Sure, no problem," we told L.
And from there, I have NO IDEA how it all escalated...
R: L, I bet Heather feels so safe right now, with both of us in here.
L: Yeah, I know, don't you feel safe?
me: Yeah guys, this is awesome.
R: So, if somebody busted in here and was gonna hurt Heather, you'd help knock him out, right L?
L: Hell yeah I would! For FL.
(my eyes widen as large as possible. Wait, what?!)
R: What? What do you mean for FL. What are you talking about, why for him?
L: Just because, R. FL & Heather have a lot of history, and they've been friends for a really long time. That's all, geez R."
R: Dude, WTF?! I think this might end our friendship, I mean..."
L: What the hell are you talking about? Is this why you didn't really want him to come out with us tonight? Quit being such a jealous little prick..."
me: "OKAY, both of you, SHUT the hell up! You're both being ridiculous!"
Then, all was good and quiet again. Nothing has been mentioned of this again, so I am hoping that they were soooo drunk that it's been forgotten.
Right now, this very moment...
I'm in SC visiting Mum. I've been here since Sunday.
On Saturday night we had our Christmas party at my dad's house. Some friends came, including L. He asked R if it would be effed up to ask if FL could come along, too. R asked me and I said, "No, it's cool, what's the big deal?" R agreed!
Granted, FL ended up not coming. I guess I can't blame him.
So, I've been down here in SC. In fact, I leave in about 6 hours to go back home. R is picking me up at the airport. Then, it'll be kind of late and so I'll go home since I have to work tomorrow. (*blech!*)
FL will be here until Jan. 6th.
His g/f will be arriving on Jan. 2nd.
Who even knows WTF is going to happen!
I'm just a little bit distraught. He probably will be coming out this weekend. So, we'll see.
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