Alternate Reality

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that it started off wonderfully. My last few days have been pretty eventful in many ways.

*****I just realized that my BFF, L, and R's BFF (& FL's bro) is L too. So my BFF is going to be changed to LV...k?*****

So the BFF, LV, out in Vegas, always tells me that the only guy she's ever heard me talk about like it's "the real thing" is FL. I told her he was home and she's been insisting that I suck it up, "quit being stubborn" and just call him.

While her words kept resonating in my head, I figured that she was probably right. Really, what was the worst that could happen, and I'd probably feel regret if I didn't. (Even though I felt like if he wanted to get a hold of me, there are quite a few and easy ways to do it...) So, as I sat here at my desk on Friday thinking and thinking some more, I decided that right then was the best time to do it.

So I did. He answered (and pretty quickly if I might add...maybe right after the first ring?).

"Hey, so you're back from SC?" he asked. (Must've heard it from his brother, L.)
"Yeah," I say.

We chat for a few about our holidays, etc. and then he asks me what I'm doing that night.
I tell him that his brother was going to pre-game over R's and that I'm supposed to go over too, but around 7.
Then, L was going to grab dinner with some chick but if FL wanted to come hang out with us that'd be cool, and besides -- his bro L was gonna be meeting back up with us later.
(Kind of weird that I invited him to hang out with me and the BF, but...we're all adults, and they're friends too because of L! I don't have anything to hide!)

Well, FL says that sounds like a good plan and I tell him he should just ride over to R's with L and then I'll see him later.
But, he says "Well, are you going to be around in like an hour? I'm going to call you back."
Okay.
After I hung up the phone, I started to panic. What was the reason for him calling me in an hour, he should just say, "Okay, I'll see you there later." ??? Was he going to try to hang out just him & I first before going over R's and riding there with me? That might not work good. Am I going to be in trouble for inviting him out with us? -- all these crazy thoughts keep running through my head.

But then, a good friend of mine called (good timing!) and I explained it all to her. She wanted to meet up right after work and hang for a little while anyways, so she met me at my house. I decided I needed to go have a drink early to calm my nerves, etc.
FL didn't call me back. "Why hasn't he called back? Do you think he's been forbidden to talk to me? Or what if he just goes, and he'll be there when I get there???"
R calls, "Where are you?"
"I just stopped to grab a quick bite, I'll be there soon," I say.

"I don't think he's there," I tell my friend.
Then, we take 2 jager bombs and leave.
Later on, L tells me that FL told him to tell me sorry and he went out with another group of friends.
"Oh well, at least now I know what happened," I thought. But, I still wonder why he didn't call me back to tell me. But whatever.
THEN, I thought maybe he'd call me Saturday. Nope. I STILL have not heard from him, and probably won't. Because TODAY his girlfriend comes into town and then they both leave on Sunday. So, I guess that is that. Except that R is taking off work on Friday and wants him, L, and FL to go bowling and probably start drinking beer early. So, in that case, FL may end up coming out with us Friday night or something. His gf would be too, but would she go bowling? Whatever. So...we'll just wait and see. I did what LV told me, so now I know. At least I called!

BUT, I have another problem. New Years Even a whole bunch of us were over E's. She decided to have a party. We were downstairs in the basement, some people were playing beer pong, we were all pretty hammered. I said something sarcastic to L and he goes, "When's R gonna propose to you?"
I stop dead in my tracks, mouth gaping wide open. "Why would you say something like that, L?"

(I thought everyone knew that I am not in any hurry what-so-ever to get married. I know people say that if it's the RIGHT person, you're ready. But, I don't know or believe any of that. I am just simply not ready. And won't be for awhile, I know it. It's really not a big deal to me, in fact, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I don't know that I can be okay with that level of commitment to be honest. It would suffocate me.)

Well, after L says this, R overhears a little and says, "What did you just say?" --- things like that. He made a look to L like, "Shut the fuck up!"

Now, I don't know. It could have been misconstrued BUT my birthday and Valentine's Day are comin' up quick. And I am scared. How do I throw into conversation a reminder incase he's missed it that I am not ready for marriage? I don't want to hurt any feelings or seem mean. And it doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to SOMEDAY, but I'm in no position or frame of mind to think about it now. WHAT do I do?!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????