Say No to Pinot

This past weekend was thankfully the last of the weddings of FL's (first love) family. This one was his sister's wedding. It was very beautiful, and I had a great time...at least the parts I remember.
After the ceremony, someone went past our table and whispered that the bar was open. Whooo! So, another girl and I left our significant others and practically ran up to the bar. I began with Pinot Grigio.
R came up and we said hi to a few people and then went over to say hi to FL. FL said that he needed to get in line for a drink, and R told him that I was first in line. To which FL replied, "That's the girl I know!"

I talked to some other friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and continued drinking my pinot...fast. At one point I actutally got R to dance with me, and I could see out of the corner of my eye FL watching. It actually felt good knowing he was watching R and I having a good time together. I'm tired of him thinking that he still has a strong hold over me.

When the reception was over, the wedding party had a spot at a bar in the city for us to all go party some more. This is where the fuzziness started. I remember buying shots, taking shots...and the pinot made me a complete mess. Yesterday R told me that I was obliterated and that I began sobbing uncontrollably. Then, when he told me it was time to go home, I put up a fight (that's not unusual...unfortunately....lol). I vaguely remember crying and even thinking to myself, "I can't stop!" It was just pouring out of me. I am so embarassed, especially because R told me that FL's parents were pretty much looking at me like I was an alien or something. I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone. R said that at first I loved everyone...then I hated everyone...I didn't want to say bye to anyone, but he finally convinced me to.

I also vaguely remember FL looking at me in a concerned way when we were saying our goodbyes to everyone. What a freaking trainwreck. Thank goodness that was the last of the weddings, and I don't have to see FL or his family in awhile...if ever.

Yesterday my head hurt so bad, and some of the details from the night washed over me, but mostly I was blacked out. So, once again I chugged pinot grigio when I definitely should know better. Out of all wines, that is the one that really gets me gone. Ugh.

And this week I get to deal with PMS and more roller coaster emotions. Yay! Looks like I'll be sitting on my couch a lot watching romantic comedies.

November...Really?

So, as usual...time flies. It's seriously November already? I guess so, because it's freeeeeezing in here (my apartment). I do NOT want a huge gas bill, nooooo sir.

So, since my last post, I've had plenty of ideas...moments of "Oh, that's perfect to talk about on the ole' blog," but...those moments have been long forgotten.

But, gimme a few minutes...I'm sure I'll come up with something. Like a blanket (BRRRRR!!!).

D has still been texting me randomly here and there. He is going through "withdrawal" of me, and wants me to come and visit. He knows I have a bf, how can he expect me to drop everything and make a trip to see him? His last few messages have been kind of needy, which is off-putting. I've chosen to not think about it too much because I am in a good spot right now (again) with R, and I don't want to start being "weird".

How was Halloween? I had this grand plan to be a hot dog. Yes, it was going to be super. Unfortunately, R and I had too much fun Friday night and ruined ourselves for the rest of the weekend. Booooooo (no pun intended)....there's always next year.

One of my best gals is set to get married next year. Her destination pick...CABO baby!!! Whooo!!! So guess where all my tax return money is going to go? Ha.

I've become good friends with E's gay roommate. We're going out for his birthday on Friday...to the gay bar! I'm so excited. I haven't been in a few years and I love an excuse to go and dance my face off.

Other than that, I've been working on some music reviews and laying on my couch watching "guilty pleasure" TV, which includes almost every show on the CW. (lol.)

I'll think of more, hopefully soon. But this update is pretty good for now. Discuss.

Put It All Together into a Big Mess

I'm in another one of my low state of minds. A "funk", if you will. This past Friday, my ex got married...(the ex is in this blog, 'round 2005-2006 entries). And my mom and stepdad went to the reception, too. Weird.

I know that he and my stepdad are still friends, and I don't mind at all. Just a little bit odd, that's all. My mom didn't even want to go....haha.

So, I was thinking about that...him getting married. Then, I thought about how FL is getting married later this year, too. Ugh!

Then, on Saturday, I went to a paranormal conference. It was awesome...and I met some cool people. This one woman did a free 4 card reading with tarot for me. It was freaky because my main card that came up was the devil (yikes!)! But, she said that it means there's some sort of negativity in my life that I could do with out. My mom and I both immediately thought of R. He's just been so pessimistic about things, almost down right mean. It's bringing me down, but I don't know what to do because I love him. But, I've been feeling like I might be a lot happier with out him. *sigh* And then of course, I think that if we did part ways, what if it turns out to be a big mistake. There's just so many pros and cons to the whole thing, how does anyone ever do it? It hurts to think about, so I'm choosing not to dwell. "So come on over, just be patient and don't worry" is my latest motto...from a Coldplay song (WHICH I went and saw on Saturday night and it was AWESOME!).

Hmmm, what else? I have to figure out what to get the dad for father's day.

I bought 3 new tanks at Forever 21 on Friday and I LOVE them!

Don't people know by now -- If I'm drunk, I might be exaggerating

Well, maybe they wouldn't because usually I am laid back and try not to bitch much.
And since Saturday night, I was bitching, everyone thought there was some huge deal.
And also, when I am drinking, I DO think it's a pretty big deal...at the time...I guess.

Anyways, first I get an email this morning from E saying:

Hey ho - I'm curious to know what **** was doing that upset you Sat. You didn’t miss anything at Jays either. **** called me after you guys dropped him off and wanted to hang out. I regret that he has my number now!

So, I email E back and tell her that really it wasn't that big a deal along with the explanation. See, I'd gone to a wedding Saturday and took one of my guy friends along since R had previous engagements.
We had fun, I had lotsa wine, and then he dropped me back off at R's afterwards. We all had plans to meet up in the city, but everyone else was going to Jays.
I argued and argued with R. We had to go to the city as planned because **** was in town, and he wouldn't want to go to Jays.
"But, **** isn't my friend, why can't you guys go do whatever and I will do the same?"
"Because I want you to hang out with him, and you already hung out with your other friends all day at the wedding."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had a time limit on how long I can hang out with my friends."
"No, it's not like that, I mean, we just had these plans..."

And it went on like that for awhile --- I'm pretty stubborn and always wanting things my way. But, I just didn't understand why we couldn't have a night out without eachother, it wasn't the end of the world! But, eventually I started to feel bad, and I would have felt worse if I left like I almost did. I wasn't going to get my way this time, and I had to just suck it up.

So, we go and pick up ****. We go into the city and he's already drunk. I'd lost some of my buzz, but he was pretty wasted. Next thing I know, **** is being a TOTAL ASSHOLE. Just being so rude, and not having any fun. We even took him to a bar that crawls with young ho's in hopes of cheering him up, but it didn't work! He eventually just wanted to go home, but not before I'd given R a million death rays with my eyes. We fought, and I felt bad and gave in, FOR THIS?! To have no fun, when I had been having a great fun day/evening?! Horrible. I was texting E telling her I was having the worst time, and that I'd explain later. Which is why I got that email from her this morning.

Then, I talk via email to another one of our girlfriends and she says:

HI HI HI!!!! I've been swamped with work this weekend and week! I'm going to NYC to visit this weekend!!! How was the wedding? Tell me all about it, E said there was major drama w/ ****!

So, again, I emailed back and gave her the explanation, as well. I told her E was exaggerating, it was far from MAJOR drama, but I'm sure I too exaggerated in my texts to her, so I couldn't really blame her for thinking it was major. But, that it wasn't. Major.
Ugh.

Can I Just Nap for a Week?

Ineedavacation.

Well, last Friday R & L were going to the bowling alley around my lunchtime. R asked me to meet them there and eat lunch. FL and his g/f were also going to be there. Whatever, okay.
So, I made sure that I didn't look as terrible as I usually do when I go to work.(Hey, I just sit in an office all day by myself pretty much!)

Then, I went right down the street on my lunch and met up with R & L. A few minutes passed, and I thought maybe FL wasn't coming anymore. But, then they walked in. FL came over, gave me a hug and introduced me to his g/f. And that was it! The whole rest of the 40 minutes, she would not say a word to me or even look at me!!!
I don't think I like her much, and not even for the obvious reasons! I've ended up liking people despite not wanting to, but this girl...wow! (Thankfully, she wasn't as pretty as I thought she'd be. hehe)

The whole thing was so awkward that I was GLAD I had to go back to work. Everytime FL's g/f wasn't super near, FL would come closer and stand by me. Well, then, I'd see R keep looking back to see what was going on! I couldn't handle it! I asked FL if they were coming out with us that night (because L told us they were) and he said, "I'm not too sure, we were maybe gonna go to the Science Center." I turned my head to look straight away and said, "Oh," thinking "Wow, he's taking her to our place!"

But then I added, "Why don't you do that tomorrow and come out tonight?" and L overheard and said, "Yeah, FL, you better come out tonight." So, I had to leave to go back to work and FL says, "I'll most likely see you later."

So, what do I do?!?! NOT find anything in my closet to wear, that's what. So, I go to the mall on my way over R's, get a new top and cardigan (really cute, too!) and head over to R's. In the parking lot, I notice that FL's family ride is not there. He must have just dropped L off and didn't stay. But, I didn't lose hope.
Until I opened the door and saw that only L was sitting on the couch. After a little while, in a non-obvious way, I asked L where FL and his g/f were. "I don't know, I am so pissed off at FL, I don't know why they didn't come out, but whatever."

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnd now, he's gone again. Which is probably a good thing...until next time around. I just think there's got to be a higher power, or forces 'that be' -- something -- that causes things like emotions and feelings to still be so strong and still so hard to explain like this after so many years. But, enough of that for now.

Oh, and it came up one night while out in my and R's conversation about the whole marriage thing. He knew L's drunken comment would wig me out and said that he's definitely not ready either. He says maybe in like 2 years or something if things are still good, then that would be the time to think about it. But, not now! So....phew!!!

Good thing glass isn't smell-thru

Over the weekend I went about 4 1/2 hours away with R for his cousin's wedding. I don't really know his parents that well yet, let alone his whole family, but thankfully my best guy friend N is his brother, so he was there, too.

So, we're at the wedding reception and N and I go outside to smoke a cigarette. We're standing there and in between our conversation we hear others around us. Suddenly we heard a slow, quiet-but-getting-louder 'brrrrrrRRRRRrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRR'. Seriously, it went on forever. We look over to see these older men and women totally trashed and one of the men was kind of standing with his butt out. The sound was his ass blowing up. He started cracking up laughing, and then everyone else around him did, too. N and I look at each other like, "Wow, really?" but of course start laughing, too. We look back over and the man's wife says, "Oh my gosh! You guys could hear that all the way over there?" We nodded. "I swear he's not mine," she said.

Then (and this is the best part) he says, "Operation: Break Window!"

Ahh, what a great getaway!

I have been back for a week, but have been super busy. Sucks.

I had a great time away, I drank, danced, ate, laughed, swam, AND was even a little bit bad with a SUPER hot guy. But, only because he was SUPER hot, like the hottest guy I'd ever laid eyes on, and because I was in Vegas...AND because...you only live once, right?

I love it out in Vegas...I would actually looooove to move out there for a bit.

The wedding was amazing, and beautiful! My speech went well, and L looked soooo glamorous!

Cheers! We had champagne in the suite at The Wynn!

Here's the pool at the Mirage --- lemme just say the cold water relieved our hangovers!This was the view outside from one of the windows in the Wynn suite.Ahhh, yes, the AWESOME living room area of the suite. The big windows gave a GREAT view of the Strip! Amazing!The morning of the wedding, L and I ordered a $55 breakfast that pretty much consisted of only a muffin and bagel. (Ha!)

This is definitely one of my favorite pictures -- everything is so colorful!

Okay, well that's it for now. More to come soon!