Bound to Come Back

I have this dear guy friend from college. He's amazing, really. We became really close a few months before my departure from school. I mean, we hung out a ton...and were almost close to becoming more. Had I not left, who is to say what would've happened.

For instance, when I did come back home and was dating this guy, he instant messaged me that he'd been thinking about me a lot, and was upset I was gone. Kind of just putting himself out there. Unfortunately, I was already dating someone...and it was new, so I didn't think too much about it, though I definitely reciprocated those feelings. There was just nothing I could do.

A couple years have gone by since all of this, and we've hung out a couple of times since. Those times were always fantastic and when I'd leave, I'd feel the same sadness that I felt before. D always made me laugh, and I never got tired of hanging out with him. I think about him often. We talk every few months and say how bad we need to get together, etc.

This most recent conversation just happened. I've been thinking about him for a couple days, now...*sigh*. I'm pretty sure he still feels the same, and I've never stopped caring about him. I have R, but don't you ever just wonder sometimes if there's something higher than us that causes us to wonder about "those who got away" (for lack of a better phrase). I was telling the BFF today that I feel like it's something I need to see about before I can move along any further in my current or future relationships. I feel like I'll regret it if I don't...but I don't know how to go about any of it!!!

I know that things are totally different than they were a few years ago...but it's just something I can't explain. It's like there's some gravitational pull that pulls me back into thinking about him and keeping in touch. What if? Ya know what I mean? What if's are such pains in the ass. Grr.