The Breakup

Well, I did it. After all this time of thinking about it, I did it. The boyfriend and I are broken up. I moved out a week or so ago, but was still staying at the house with him and our dog. On a Saturday night he was being pouty because I was going to go out with friends and it turned into this huge discussion. He was asking me things and I had to be honest, so I told him I thought we were better as friends, etc. It did not go well. Waterworks. After about an hour of trying to stay strong, I started having second thoughts, and freaking out, getting upset, couldn't do it. He sucked me back in, and I know he did it purposely. He had said that if I broke up with him, he couldn't be my friend. He knows I care, so he used the waterworks as a ploy/guilt thing. So I couldn't go through with it. He's smart, huh?

Well, then most of last week, I wasn't happy. The plan was to keep going with the flow, and hopefully the relationship would faaaaade out. On Wednesday night, I had plans to go out and he actually came! He never comes out with me, he's not that type of person. I knew he was only doing it because of the talk from Saturday, and because he thought it would make me happy. But, that's not who he is. That night, we got in an argument where he had me in a corner talking for around 20 minutes being pouty and making me feel guilty once again.

Thanksgiving was good. We went to his parents, had fun. My mom actually came back home for a few days from her new home in South Carolina, so that was cool, too. Friday night we had a fundraiser, so the boyfriend and I went and met up with our friends there. It was a good night. Then, Saturday my mom and her b/f wanted to grab dinner and a movie, so we did. Afterwards, I was supposed to meet up with some people, but he did it again...pulling the silent treatment as soon as I mentioned it, and throwing in a *sigh* every 5 minutes. So, again, I caved, and stayed home.

Sunday I told him I had plans Monday evening. He called me at work around 11:30 Monday but after a few minutes of chatting, I had to go. Didn't talk to him the rest of the day. That evening, I didn't call him because he hadn't called me, he knew I had plans...AND I thought maybe he'd actually get something done and pack to move out (he still hadn't packed a thing, and our friend that bought our house already had 3/4 of his stuff in there). OH, and I sort of knew in the back of my head it would start a fight and give me just what I needed to be able to go through with breaking up this time. Sure did.

Yesterday. He pulled all the usual stops - trying to worry me - making me feel guilty - accusing me - everything. But, I refused to see him after work to talk like he'd originally wanted, because I knew he would do the same thing as the first time. I knew I had to go through with it this time. It was terrible. I've been upset, but I know that it's what's best. So, I just keep telling myself that, because if I think of how sad he is, it'll be too hard. He has our dog, I don't know when I will get to see him - that makes me very, very sad. I called his mom today, talked a bit. She understands and is helping him with it.

He thinks I didn't try, but little does he know that if I hadn't been trying - if I really didn't care (like he thinks I don't) then it would've been over months ago.

Most of my friends and family are saying I did the right thing. I can't wait until it gets easier, though. It hasn't been too bad, as long as I can keep busy and things like that it'll be okay. At least I did it before Christmas. I could've been a bitch and waited until he spent all kinds of money on me (though I would feel terrible). He should think of that, ha!