Your Wardrobe Needs Re-evaluation

So last night my friend E and I decided to go grab a drink at a small local bar that we frequent. We were sitting there happily in conversation with another friend of ours.

Suddenly, this guy next to me leans over and says, "Hey, can you read the score up there on the TV?"
So, I look and tell him 4-3, we're down one.

Then, he just starts rambling..."Everyone is mad at me."
I'm thinking, "Uhhh, okay...that um..sucks, I guess?"
He drunkenly proceeds to tell me that he's filed a lawsuit against who knows, because the hillside behind his house has fallen and he's got water all in his basement.
Alright.
Then, he tells me about someone from some department coming to his house and in a confrontation saying, "Well, some people work for a living."
This apparently upset Mr. Drunk Guy and he said, "Oh, so you think I don't work for a living?" and then starts talking about his ANCESTORS.
One side of my family is from blah blah blah and the other side is from blah blah blah, and founded the coal mines in the area, and they came over on the Mayflower....etc.
My eyes just kept getting wider and wider, like, "Is this really happening? Why is this guy telling me all this bullshit I could care less about?!"

But, I wasn't in my mean 'shut the hell up' mood...but luckily E was there to help. Finally, she noticed what was going on, tells me to turn more towards her and tells the guy to "stop talking."

Let me explain what this guy looked like. He was probably in his late 40s, he had on a striped polo shirt, goofy sneakers, a VISOR...BACKWARDS....AND UPSIDE DOWN, had messed up teeth, AND .... AND was smoking a pipe. Like a corn cob pipe. WTF?!?!?!

The rest of the evening we'd catch him saying random things, kind of talking to himself is what it seemed like.
Then, he even leaned over and said, "You are very well put together," and started laughing!!! Eww!
I didn't say anything and E yelled at him again. Then, I heard him saying, "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."

Luckily, he eventually left us alone. Figures, because the next time he would've said something E was going to turn and tell him, "Why don't you take your pipe and smoke it!" which for some reason we thought would've been hysterical.