Sometimes I wonder...

Really, I just want to run somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs.
Somewhere that no one will hear me. Just scream, and lay there in hiding. Every once in a while, or maybe more than is healthy, I find this need.

The boyfriend Todd just called, said he's on his way home from work. And I knew he was going to do this. The past two nights he hasn't gotten home until atleast around 9:00 at night. And the past two nights, I didn't have too much going on (except yesterday was my friend's birthday, so we went for dinner and drinks). But tonight, I plan on going out. And I rarely go out on work nights. So of course, he's going to be home early. He can't ever make it easy on me, and just work late so I don't have to listen to his whining when I'm going to leave. So, I reminded him, "You do know I'm going out tonight, right?"

"What? Where?" he says, in the whiny voice.

"The Rhythm House."

"Why?"

"Because I made plans to. I'm meeting Nathan and his new girl there, probably a few other people, and Erin (his sister) is probably coming to meet up when she's done with class. I told you about it the other day."

"Oh. Okay. ..... Well, I just wanted to let you know I was on my way home."

"Okay honey, well I'll see you in a little while then, I'm going tanning after work."

I swear he does it on purpose. I'm sure that he remembered I said I was going out tonight. He doesn't forget things like that, he just pretends to. And I always invite him, but he usually doesn't want to go. Never goes to the Rhythm House, and never goes out on weeknights. (Which I usually don't either, but once in awhile I'll make an exception.) And how annoying it is once I say something about going out, how quickly his mood changes. ANNOYING!!!!!!!!! And this is why I want to go scream. This is why I'm now in a cranky mood that is affecting my usual cheerful greeting for when I answer the phone. (Ok, I'm probably exxagerating, I am not always that cheerful. Being here in this office makes me really tired, and bored for a good portion of the day, usually. And irritable. But that's blamed on my anxiety issues, and a whole different story.)

Ok. Breathe. See, now my mood is altered because I know I am going to have to deal with Todd trying to get me NOT to go out. He'll either use a guilt tactic, an "I'm mad" tactic...or some tactic. And I'm so sick of it. I even know what his tactics are, that's bad. 97% of the time, I still go out no matter what. But, it just drains the energy out of me and puts me in a bad mood. This is the only thing we really fight about.